Gray Day

Fuck it, I´m not afraid to be alone. Is that wrong? Where were you when I felt like having someone? How long did you stay when I asked for someone? …Anyone! What did you do to me? What did you do for me?! You told me to be better. What happened to learning to be well by yourself, learn independence, be at ease with silence? You probably wouldn´t like me otherwise, you didn´t before. So don´t try to make me feel guilty. I am selfish, I am insensible, I am disconnected, I am jaded. You made me, I am your dislike because of what you forced me into. Life forced survival, don´t complain about your pre-fabricated self made outcast. I sense my happiness leaves you at discomfort, that reflects, that emanates, it feels. Wrong.

I want to be better, yes. Not for you. For me! If it hurts, how dare you blame it on me! I am contradicted by who you made me become.